Raw.

Broken.

Done.

Another lockdown.

Do I know what needs to be done?  Yes.

Have we done it before?  Yes.

Am I grateful that we have the ability to turn virtual so my clients can still be supported? Yes.

Does it make it any easier? No.

Spare a thought for the little guys.

The little guys that are hanging by a thread, mentally, physically and financially.

Which lockdown is going to be the one that knocks us down, unable to stand back up?

The one where we can’t handle another stab to the heart.

Because that’s what this is.

A heart centred business.

A business where I give everything.

I show up even when my own world is falling apart.

The business that saved me, changed me, created a version of me that I loved, that showed me my purpose, my passion.

The business that showed me what I was capable of.

The business I gave my all.

The business that gifted me the most amazing friendships.

But it is also a business that relies on women feeling motivated, inspired, and ready for change. Not one that survives on the majority of people feeling lethargic, despondent and struggling with life, and income, let alone adding in what some may call a “luxury” of time and money.

The little guys depend on this to feed their family, to pay the mortgage or rent, to survive.

And when they get shut down, over and over. When people live in a fear state, and don’t commit to anything, or have the confidence to start anything because it could all get thrown apart.

When a heart breaks every time all the blood, sweat, tears and heart that has been put into every move, every post, every session, every decision, seems like it is no longer enough.

With every lockdown, another little guy crashes.

Another little guy decides they can’t take anymore.

And maybe they are already getting support with medication and psychology, but at the end of the day, that can’t heal a broken heart, an exhausted mind, and the self doubt of whether you have the strength to rebuild, again, and again, and again.

There is no back up here, for me. There is no plan B.

Today I don’t know how I can stand up anymore.

I lost my marriage, and once again, I feel like I am losing my business, and it is out of my control.

I want to vomit.

I want to cry.

I want to scream.

I want to run away.

This is the reality. That you may not hear about, or think about.

I understand why they are doing it.

I get it.

But today, spare a thought for the little guys that have been crying behind the scenes trying to stay afloat over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. Because this may be lockdown where they might just drown.

Support them. Leave feedback. Share their posts. Recommend them to your friends. Buy their products. Send them a message to remind them that they are making a difference.

Be there. Be kind. Just be kind.

Tomorrow, I will show up on the screen for my amazing clients, maybe I will feel okay.  But maybe I won’t.